Greetings friends!

The internet is fun or something, so I thought I’d upload a selection of my Instagrams from yesterdays trip to Melbourne. I’ve included the Gramm’s here with their original captions, but I’ll also add a timeline of sorts, so you can figure out how we got from Cthulu going down on a babe to a decapitated unicorn.

Firstly, I’ll just mention that this show almost didn’t happen, but I’ll underscore that by saying that holy C damn I’m glad it worked out. Because the whole day ruled and it could have been a $600 lunch.

Brief dot-point backstory you probably don’t care about:

• First contacted The Old Bar about booking the show for November of last year.
• Delays, emails, delays, emails – finally booked March.
• lineup tbc
• 2 week to go, still only us and Initials on the bill, book cheapest possible flights (6am to 6am 24 hour death trip) in good confidence.
• 1 week to go, frantically emailing 40-odd Melbourne bands, everyone replies saying they’re going to see Springsteen or Good Riddance.
• Pete and Adz from Initials realise we’re pretty fucked and contact 8 of their mates about making the show an afternoon mini-festival at The Public Bar.
• ???
• Profit

I really don’t know how they did it. Legends.

Anyway, so its 3.20am and I’ve just woken up, and everything sucks for a while – until the first joke about the guys on the safety information looking like they’re heaps stoned:

#agntmelb (via @dylanvsdylan)

“upon exiting; feelings of contentment. empty pockets.

otherwise, upon exiting; continue smoking.”

and then all of a sudden its about 8.30am and we’re in Melbourne, right next to the Queen Victoria Markets and its a beautiful day.

pancakes and poo jokes #agntmelb

With regard to the poo jokes, well lets just say Crust Pizza fills you up, and we should all slow down on the pasta salad. “waubla-baubla-bobl”. Yeah, in-jokes. I’m just realising some of this will not make any sense without a context for those in-jokes. Ah well.

Anyway, after destroying some monster pancakes and downing some fairly average coffee, we trekked a few blocks in the wrong direction, and then diagonally back in the correct direction, and eventually end up outside this swish looking joint.

Public bar, we want to be in you drinking your secretions #agntmelb

that’s a nice shot from my perspective, and this is one from Jason’s:

We’re having the best time. #agntmelb (via @robinwilliamsimposter)

He got 11 likes for that one, the prick…

We really didn’t have a plan for what to do between then until 2pm (when the Public Bar opens), so there’s about an hour of this depressing shit:

Pretty much just waitin’ around now. Cool. #grammingeveryfewminutes

Casually checking out this morale boosting chalkboard, smiling and pointing at our names and feeling pretty chuffed, and like we had just arrived super early for what looks like a really kickass party.

dat lineup @agntmelb

That’s until we decide we need more coffee, or possibly beers, and maybe some more food, since we’re in the right environment for a good time in those three key areas.

So we’re walkin’ along…

AND THEN BAM!

FUCKING CTHULU.

Street art #cthulu #munch #agntmelb

I mean, I think its pretty clear that Melbourne is some kind of art mecca.

After that we headed to Shanghai Dumplings which was closed, and the bar next door to that was shut, so we went to McDoggles so we could have a bit of a s(h)it. Here Jason and Daniel have taken essentially the same photograph of me singing quite loudly a new song I’ve been working on.

(P the C guys, P the C).

Maccas jams. Fuck no pubs being open! #agntmelb (pic via @d_bert, comment via @robinwilliamsimposter)

Jason had a crack too, C bless him.

the bass player thinks he’s people! #agntmelb writing sesh. Song is called ‘conSENSUAL cthulu’

I don’t know it actually was consensual thinking back on it. and none of us did anything about it either. we just took photos, laughed and continued on our way. that poor Cthulu.

The book I got from pudgy panda that we’re writing our emo-gospel album ‘make a coffee and grow the fuck up’ into. #agntmelb

We waited for that bar to open up, snuck in some brews and did some more writing. Tried (as in: didn’t try that hard) to write a whole record in a day. Came up with one chorus, two riffs, and now we’ve got five song titles.

1. P the C
2. conSENSUAL Cthulu
3. They Don’t Allow Bees In Here
4. Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy
5. Drink a Coffee and Grow The Fuck Up

Its all a work in progress, okay? So far its better than ‘Stay Drunk’ by a Fleetwood Mile (thats unit of meaurement that I have patented, soon you’ll be able to buy a ruler that measures distance via song charts or maybe just with the portraits of various members of Fleetwood Mac, all exactly one inch long).

a massive Shanghai Dump w/@aquatic_delorean #agntmelb

After that we caught up with Adam from Initials, had all-you-can eat dumplings for $15. It ruled. I stole some dumplings off the table next to us cuz I’m a freegan punx.

We then walked Adam back to his car, which was right outside the James Squire Brewhouse. It’s kind of a tradition to stop there for a pint, so we fucking did just that.

Power shruggin’ – as per tradition @robinwilliamsimposter #agntmelb

Jason is clearly still full as hell from those dumplings. we all were.

meanwhile… @d_bert #agntmelb

this is after a brief complaint about the 35 seconds of sun that Melbourne saw yesterday.

I think that’s when Daniel uploaded this picture of our beers, as if to passive aggressively say “hurry the fuq up,  ladz, we’ve got a bloody show to get to”

Left to right. @miclgael @d_bert @robinwilliamsimposter. They’re too slow for a cheeky. #agntmelb (via @d_bert)

& he was right. but then!!

Totally Unicorn #agntmelb

and that’s about where my phone died unfortunately. We were too busy watching bands and shit to be grammin’ much anyways. Brad Vincent couldn’t make the show, and we hope he’s doing ok. I’ve selfishly omitted a few photos of the other bands that we took here. So here’s a link to actually see those: http://statigr.am/viewer.php#/tag/agntmelb/

Massive, massive, massive thanks to Pete from Initials who waited around for us to get paid, invited us back to his place for a nap, drove us there, and then woke up early with us to drive us to the airport. that kind of shit is why people say Melbourne has a good music scene.

Shout outs to Foxtrot (matching undies), Lucy Wilson (not exactly tall or tanned but she still rules), Shadow League, Kissing Booth, Lach Hicks, Tim Hampshire and of course Initials for organising the lineup.

A touching end to a hectic 24 hours. #agntmelb (via @robinwilliamsimposter)

Setlist (we didn’t play Explode/Trees)

#agntmelb (via @dylanvsdylan)

I heartily recommend interstate day trips from hell. See you again soon VIC!